Somewhere Between Agony And Ever After
by anxiousgeek
Summary: McKay/Keller. Set during alternate time line in The Last Man.


When he first kissed her it was like nothing else he'd done in his life. Just the press of their lips and he felt like he'd come alive again. He'd lost everyone close to him, lost everything he loved but now, now there was Jennifer, who made his heart race and his mind stutter.

Very few people had done that to him in his life, could do that to him. After the last few months it was just down to Jen and she made his world spin. He was going to marry this woman. Not in the deluded way he used to think he was going to marry Sam Carter (god he saw it all so clearly now) but in a 'god I'm so in love with this woman' way.

The Daedalus was very ill equipped for most things in Rodney's opinion. Even before it took a battering, it was nothing compared to the Goa'uld mother ships, or Wraith hive ships. And it was all relative, so while the Wraith hives didn't have beds, he was sure whatever they did have were more than adequate. And he was damn sure that sleeping arrangements in mother ships was lavish.

The Daedalus quarters were not.

It was awful on his back, and he had told most of the crew at one point or another. Only Jennifer had listened, had understood that he was complaining about the beds to stop him from thinking about Sam and Teyla, Sheppard and Ronon and every other single person on Atlantis they had just left behind. Only Jennifer had offered to massage his back, running her hands hard up, then kissing his spine on the way down.

He may be socially inept, in the words of several psychologists and three school counsellors, but even he was sure kissing someone's naked back was more than just a friendly gesture.

Almost sure.

"Jenn-ifer?" He twisted around so he could see her, twisting his back and she smiled at him.

"You'll make your back worse," she admonished, tapping him on the side. 

"I, um," he didn't have any words to stutter out, and she sighed.

"Turn over Rodney," she said, lifting up to give him room to do so. A little confused, his mind doing that stutter-y thing he hated, he turned onto his back and she straddled his hips again, the right way this time, smiling at him. She didn't say anything, she just kissed him, soft and slow, hands sliding up into his hair. 

His mind stuttered and stopped, and his heart started.

"Oh boy." 

"You understand, don't you?" she asked, smiling, not pulling back too far, so that her face became a blur, but the scent of her was everywhere and the only thing he ever wanted to smell again, and _oh god_ he sounded like the bad romance novels his sister used to read when she was a teenager.

"Yeah, unfortunately." She laughed at that, pain flashing across her face, and he did understand, because he had left with her. She had been his strength to go, without either of them really realising it. Or at least without him realising it, he wasn't sure about Jennifer, she was a woman after all, and they were confusing. 

She kissed him again, and he felt a little warmth return. He'd been so cold, had felt it creeping in when Elizabeth had gone, like his internal body temperature was decreasing with every friend he lost. He'd asked Jennifer himself to check his temperature but she'd told him he was fine, prescribed him a hot water bottle. He was starting to feel better now. And guilty. 

He groaned and pulled away from her.

"What?" she asked, breathless, and her voice made him want to moan.

"I can't do this," he said, closing his eyes from, trying not to breathe in through his nose so he couldn't smell her.

"Why not?"

"Because..." 

"I know, but we can for the same reasons. You're the only person in this galaxy,"

"We're not in the milky way just yet," he corrected.

"Rodney," he opened an eye to see her glaring at him, "you understand and I, I care about you," she said, "I wanted you to know what I felt." She tried to kiss him again, but when he resisted, she slid from him to the side, squeezing herself into the small space that was left between him and the wall. Half of her body was still on top of him, her hand drawing patterns on his chest. "They didn't build these quarters for cuddling did they?" He laughed.

"Or my back." 

"Want me to finish massaging you?"

"Please?" He knew he sounded desperately hopeful, but she didn't comment on it, only moving again so he could turn back onto his stomach. She straddled his thighs, and ran her hands up his back, leaning over to kiss the back of his neck, and the top of his spine. He shivered and sighed, her hands warm as they rubbed circles on his back. She continued to drop kisses on random places on his back.

"Jenni-fer," he groaned, his heart was racing again, and he was somewhere between arousal and a heart attack.

"Rod-ney," she mimicked. 

"Fine," he said, turning over beneath her, causing her to squeak as she struggled to hold on, and stop from falling. When he was on his back, he put a hand on the back of her neck and pulled her down for a hard kiss, unable to stop his hips from thrusting up minutely. "Better?" he asked, when they pulled away with a pop and a desperate gulp for air.

"Much." She smiled, and kissed him again, before moving her lips to his cheek, down his jaw to his neck. "I know you feel it too, the guilt, for leaving, for being happy right now, for not saving everyone in the Pegasus from the Wraith."

"Yeah," he sighed, pulling her up from his chest, and smiling at her, "we didn't save the galaxy."

"It's an ego trip, I know, doing that, saving other people's lives, and I know you love that,"she said, looking at him, "and it's a bit of a deflation to leave, but we can't do anything if they make it so damn impossible."

"I know, but, I..." she put a finger on his lips.

"Don't," she was tearing up, and the guilt intensified, "please Rodney, I can't keep talking about this right now." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. 

"God, please don't cry, I'm not good with crying women, or children, I just don't know what to do. Hell, I don't even know what to do when I cry, it's like, do I let myself cry, do I force myself to stop..."

"You cry?" she interrupted, pulling back in his grip.

"You think I wouldn't? After everything that's happened?" He was hurt. 

"I didn't think you would admit to it."

"I've not got much left to lose," he said, his tone sardonic, his smile crooked. She smiled back, wrapping an arm around him, closing her eyes. 

"Can I stay, for a little bit?" she asked, voice a little broken. 

"Of course."


End file.
